1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.


Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 29, 2010.

  1. (Well, Ok. this is my first time ever posting a story, well, anywhere. Hopefully, it isn't too bad and gets some comments.)


    Athena Clarity ran wild there. It was her safe haven. Her secret base lie deep within. The forest was a hide away, her place to think and concentrate.
    “Hello world!” Her bird cry flew outwards on shining steel wings. Her best friend would come here, her secret spot, and Athena’s life would be perfect.
    “Sheili, Sheili! I have something to show you!” Athena blurted. Sheili didn’t reply; just gestured at her, as if to say, Let’s go! Sheili took Athena’s hand and Athena led her away into the dark woods. Athena took one step inside and felt Sheili shudder. She squeezed her hand and took her farther and farther in, to the secret place.
    The news headlines burned a hole in Athena’s mind. It was unthinkable. Impossible, that Sheili Daniels would have given away her secret spot. “The land, perfect for homes, will be cleared over the next two weeks, and houses will be built for families to live in Leafalli Town. Daddy, Sheili gave it away! My secret spot! My jungle home!” Her mind was like a hurricane, going over every possible safe spot until it came down to one thing: Sheili was a liar, a thief, and a cheat.
    There it was! The safe spot was sitting right in the hedges, waiting for her. Athena crawled in to the bush, deep within to a trickling stream that concealed a chair, a stash of candy, and a few toys. “They won’t blow it over when they see my things here.” She insisted to herself. Never the less, she took the most valuable toys and candy and ran away, her brown and green dress trailing behind her like a Leafeon tail.
    It’s boring in here! Athena thought to herself. Her daddy told her to stay inside today, so here she was, crammed up in a plain, white box of a room. Athena had never thought to paint it, as she had a far more colorful room in the woods, but nor had she ever slept much in there, preferring outdoors and animals. A light knock on the door woke her up from her daydream.
    “Daddy!” She yelled, and ran down the stairs as quickly as possible. Athena threw open the door, only to stare at Sheili’s dad’s pants.
    “Oh,” she said, “It’s you. My father isn’t home now, you may go.” Then she slammed the door in his face. When she was on her own again, Athena began giggling hysterically. As she giggled, an idea formed in her head, and she got out her paints, and started to paint. When she finally finished, the forest wall painting popped out at her. Then, from one corner to the doorway, Athena painted the floor like leaves on the ground brilliant greens; yellows and reds dotted the floor.
    “If I can’t go to the forest, the forest will come to me!” She sang, and danced down the hall, grabbing her shoes, hat, and gloves. She remembered to write a quick note, right before running out into the street. Athena ran as fast as she could sprint, until she was deep in the forest. She combed the bush for her secret spot, finding all her things where she left them. She gathered up all the items in her arms, and then saw a little note peeking out of her candy bag. Athena dropped everything to read the note that became her life, right there in her enchanted secret spot, and she read aloud:

    “To whom this may concern:
    We have seen your things here and thought you may be interested in this opportunity we have to offer. Two miles south of this city, there is a Pokémon teaching and training facility. There, you may learn about Pokémon and how to train one. You may, if you choose, go there to get proper food and water, good clothes, and education to start a Pokémon journey. Simply go to the counter and tell them you are ‘Letter’. We have spoken to them about you, and they know that you may or may not come. No matter what you choose, we do ask that you leave your current position so we may clear away this land for housing.
    Yours Truly,
    Jon Daniel”
    Athena’s eyes widened as she envisioned what her father would say. No, she thought, He will say no. But what if… She gathered up her things once more and ran down the forest road one last time, away from her safe haven. She ran away from her secret base deep in the forest. She ran away from her place to think and concentrate. She ran away from her life. Her enchanted, secret place had done it’s duty: gotten her to a turning point in life, where things would become better; and worse.
    #1 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. Wow~
    This story is really great so far! I'm truly intrigued by the forest in which Athena's secret spot has been claimed, and you have great description in there too!

    So far, I like Athena's character a lot. She seems very strong minded and focussed, but as a child, still dependant on upper authority like her Dad. Your writing is very magical and it grips me, and I feel like I'm being pulled in by it!

    My favourite line has to be: "...her brown and green dress trailing behind her like a Leafeon tail."

    It was a really striking simile, that conjured a great image in my head of water her dress mus look and move like. Argh, it's simply brilliant!

    Well done, and I can't wait to

    Kasumi xx
  3. Thanks a lot Kasumi! Thing like that motivate me to keep posting this story.




    “I’m here! I’m finally here!” Athena shouted, and the far off building shone in the morning light. Even after two years of planning, she hadn’t felt ready to run away from home; but she had done it! Out in the open world, ready to start an important journey. For two years, Athena had used notebook after notebook on planning for now, this moment, and it was here! The time her secret place had been there for; the time her life had waited for. She walked slowly towards the door, every moment taking the time of a thousand. The wild Pokémon ignored her slow movement, so she would be safe. Take the chance! Run! Her mind shouted commands that her body couldn’t follow. Every step was just a little closer; every inch, a little closer. Finally, FINALLY, she reached the edge of the grass and ran, faster than she had ever run before, until she was in the lobby. In the lobby of the place she had wanted to be for two years straight. Athena reached the counter from a long line, bouncing around like a school child.

    “Who recommended you?” The desk lady asked. She sounded rather bored…

    “Um… Jon Daniel, Ma’am, and um… I’m letter.” Athena stammered.

    “Really? We’ve been waiting two years for you! And you’re a girl? And so young…” The desk lady kind of spaced out.

    “Yes I am a girl, I am young, but I’m here to be a trainer, don’t I need to fill something out?” She replied impatiently.

    “Err, yes. How old are you, do you have a Pokémon and Pokédex, Height, weight, and your name.” The lady asked all the questions at once, writing down the answers on a sheet of paper.

    “I’m twelve, no and no, 5’5, 78 pounds, Athena Clarity.”

    “Ok Athena, we’ll give you your trainer ID as soon as it prints. Your room number is 352. You are sharing a room with Max Ride. Have a good day! Classes start tomorrow!” The desk lady shouted, and she moved her bag up to room 352, where a girl with blond hair, like her own, sat on a bed, playing with a small Pokémon that Athena didn’t know. She looked up as she heard someone in the room.

    “Hello. My name’s Max, and this is my Treeko. What’s your name?”

    “Hi. My name’s Athena, Athena Clarity.” Max laughed and lay back on her bed, and left Athena to her unpacking, and sprucing of room space. Both girls were quiet for a long time while Athena made her bed, put her bag down, and hung things on walls.
    “How did you get here with only one bag and no Pokémon?” Max asked her.

    “I walked slow, and Leafalli Town is only two miles north of here. I’ll probably need a new bag anyway though.” Athena replied.

    “I’m going to get some food. Be here when I get back and we can share, ‘Kay?” Athena nodded brightly, and sat down with her paints.

    By the time Max got back, Athena had finished painting the walls on her side to look like the forest, her first hide away. They sat down together in silence, munching on snacks from the snack bar.

    “Here, I got these for you at the front desk,” Max said, and pulled out a trainer ID, a new backpack, a badge case and ribbon case, and 6 Pokéballs.

    “Thanks!” Athena said. She was glowing with happiness. Maybe, she thought, Max will be my first real friend! Lunch continued on in silence again, and before long, a woman came in with a Butterfree.
    “Hullo Athena. My name is Mari Ann. I make sure everyone goes to bed at the right time. Just wanted to introduce myself, and get Max to class today.”

    “Okay!” Athena replied, “Nice to meet you Mari Ann!”

    After lunch, Max left for classes that day. Athena sat alone in the room, staring around. Mari Ann poked her head in the door.

    “You know you can watch battles in the stadium, right? Or you could explore…. Max wanted me to take you to the stadium, to watch her battle. It’s a prize match, if she wins she gets a Pokémon.” Athena jumped up and grabbed an apple from lunch, then tailed Mari Ann to the stadium. Max was on one end, while a younger boy was on the other. Max glanced up at her, smiled and waved from her position on the field. Athena grinned, and gave her a small thumbs up, before the referee called the match to start.

    (This chapter was short, mainly because I needed to introduce a few characters.)
    #3 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  4. Short or not, this is again fantastic! :,D

    Max sounds like a very nice person, and a complete contrast to what Sheilli was in your prologue, so I think I'm going to like her!
    As soon as I heard the mention of 'rooms' and 'stadium' I became jelous of this trainer's academy.
    But I also want to know more about the building, and more importantly, Athena and Max's room~ Is it bunk beds? Two seperate beds? are there windows? A big oak wardrobe?
    But I love how you brought back Athena's room painting likeability, and think that Max should compliment her on it later in the story~

    I'm full of anticipation for how this battle is going to go too!
    Since I'm rubbish at writing about battles, be it in a RP or general writing, I'm eager to see how you describe the battle and see wether or not Max gets a prize Pokémon!

    Great work again! I'm going to be stalking this story for a while to come! >:{D

    Kasumi xx
  5. Yay! I'm glad you like it!. I decided that after about a week or so of class, she's going to describe everything. That comes in later. You know what, I even thought about giving Athena a compliment, but I forgot... Now I'll have to find someone to do it. Next chapter up soon! Nao!

    Chapter 2

    “Attention bystanders and battlers! This battle between Max Ride and Geoffrey Jones is about to begin! This will be a two on two match! Trainers, call out your Pokémon!” The words the referee said confused Athena. She looked up from her lap to see Max call out Treeko, and with its small green tail blowing in the wind it looked like judgment day for the opponent’s small, tan elephant. The elephant had red stripes on some of its legs, and she remembered one charging at her on her trek here. That thought made her shudder.
    “Let the match, BEGIN!” The referee shouted, and Max was the first to give a command.

    “Treeko, Bullet seed, follow with scratch!” The small green Pokémon rapidly began spitting seeds, forcing the other Pokémon away from it, before he ran in and started scratching it hard and fast.
    “Phanpy, takedown! Then use Iron tail!” The Phanpy scratched its paw along the ground, and charged at Treeko full speed. It hit very hard, but Phanpy also took damage. Then, while Treeko was still on the ground, the ground type slammed it hard with its tail, and Treeko grunted with pain. Max smirked, and Athena had no clue why.
    “Alright Treeko, absorb, then bullet seed, Go!” The grass type Pokémon ran up to Phanpy, and fired a small beam of green energy in to Phanpy, and it appeared to suck energy and nutrients back into Treeko. The larger Pokémon squealed with pain and fear as it tried to run away from the sucking orbs. Then, Treeko jumped back and fired seeds as quickly as it could, effectively fainting Phanpy.
    “Go Treeko!” Athena shouted, very pleased by her comrade’s victory.

    “Luna, take the stage!” Geoffrey screamed. His face was bright red with anger. Max’s face paled and she recalled Treeko.

    “Poliwag, get ready!” she called. Geoffrey was grinning as the rock Pokémon sat to his side.

    “It’s a Solrock,” Mari Ann whispered, “ It can use Solarbeam and Flamethrower, so it’s very strong.” Athena nodded her head slightly, but kept her eyes on the battle.
    “Luna, Sunny day!” he called, and the sunlight became brighter in the area. The sun Pokémon seemed to sway around a little, before her eyes returned to Poliwag’s face.
    “Poliwag, aqua ring.” Max commanded her Pokémon calmly, but Athena heard the worry concealed there. Geoffrey smiled wildly, creeping a lot of other people out.
    “Luna, finish it with Solarbeam!” The Solrock created a big ball of light in front of her then fired it with blinding light at Poliwag, making smoke go everywhere. People coughed and hacked while Athena tried to regain her eyesight and see where Poliwag was. Finally, when the smoke cleared, Max’s Poliwag was fainted on the ground, slightly singed.
    “Come back Poliwag. You earned your rest.” Then she did something that surprised everyone: “I can’t win. I forfeit.” Shocked gasps were heard all around the arena as Max walked off the field. As soon as she could, Athena made a beeline for her.
    “That was a great match!” she commended, and was happy when Max smiled.

    “It was okay, I didn’t expect him to have a Solrock. I gave in because I didn’t want Treeko to get hurt when I knew he couldn’t win.” She replied.

    “That’s okay. Was that your last class?”

    “Yeah. Let’s grab ice cream from the lobby, Okay?”

    “Sure! As they walked, Athena couldn’t help but wonder. “Why did you agree to battle him?”

    “The prize was a Pokémon. I wanted to get you one, but it didn’t work out. You’re going to have to borrow one in class tomorrow.”

    “Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say. Finally! A real friend! A friend who won’t lie, cheat, or steal! A friend that won’t ditch me for a boyfriend! Finally!
    #5 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  6. Chapter 3!

    They reached the lobby rather quickly, and Max went to get ice cream from the machine while Athena wandered around. She heard a voice that, by now, she knew pretty well.
    “Where’s my prize? I want my prize!” Geoffrey Shouted at the desk lady. She said something too quiet for her to hear, and handed him a Pokéball. He let out the Pokémon and a piece of Athena’s heart melted when she saw the Pokémon. It was a small, dog-like Pokémon that was mostly gray with some black blazes on it. It had small fangs around its muzzle, and it practically made Athena die. Geoffrey started shouting gibberish, and she snapped out of the trance. Max returned with the ice creams and they headed back to room 352.
    Both girls were laughing when Mari Ann came in.

    “Time for bed, girls. Time to put the games away.” She said, and watched as the girls put away the Monopoly game and crawled in to their beds. ”Good night girls!” she said, and shut the door.
    Early the next morning, Athena woke up to Mari Ann coming in and checking through her bag.
    “Hi Mari Ann. What’s up?” She said groggily.

    “Just making sure you have all you’ll need for class today. Speaking of, you really should get up and get dressed before Max. She takes an age.” Mari Ann said. So, she got up, got dressed, showered, and got ready for classes. Shortly after she finished, Max got up and took twice as long to do everything she had done. When both girls were ready, Mari Ann took them both to their first classroom, behavior studies. When they sat down in the seats next to one another, Max slipped her a Pokéball, and class began.
    “So, I’d like everyone to release your Pokémon.” Mrs. Rossi said, and everyone did so. Poliwag sat on Athena’s desk, while Max told her why Athena was using her today.
    “Alright everyone, please offer your Pokémon one berry at a time. Write down the color and title of the one it likes. The first person done gets a prize.”
    Max leaned over Athena and said, “Poliwag likes the pink ones. Hurry, tell her!” Athena raised her right arm and waved it slightly until Mrs. Rossi came over.
    “Poliwag likes the pink pecha berries, Mrs. Rossi,” Athena said.

    “Excellent. Please put your name on this paper and place it in the jar on my desk.” Mrs. Rossi replied. Athena did so, folded the paper and dropped it in the jar.
    “That was the prize jar. If your name gets drawn at the week out of that jar, you get a prize Pokémon. Anyway, Ms. Clarity’s Poliwag here likes Pecha berries, which are sweet. So, Poliwag likes sweet.” Max winked at Athena, and her face flushed pink.
    The bell woke everyone up after that class.

    “Time to head to battle class! Have fun!” Mrs. Rossi shouted.
    #6 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  7. Chapter 4.

    And so they did. They had a blast playing with TMs, mini battles, and battling styles.

    “Hey, you with the Poliwag! You wanna battle?” Athena whirled to face the boy who had spoken.

    “Uh, this isn’t my Poliwag, and uh, I don’t know how,” she murmured.

    “Oh, okay. Ask your friend if you can use her, we can play for prize. If you don’t know, that means play for a Pokémon.”

    “Max!” Athena shouted to her friend, “May I use Poliwag for a prize battle?”

    “Sure!” She shouted back, and Athena rushed back to the boy.

    “She said Okay. By the way, what’s your name?” she asked him.

    “Falk. You?” he replied.

    “Athena Clarity. Are you ready to battle?”

    “I should be asking you, but yeah, I am. Let’s go!” Falk said, and they headed out to the field.

    “Go Athena!” she heard her name being called somewhere in the crowd.
    She grinned brightly and yelled, “Go, Poliwag!” The tadpole Pokémon emerged in a flash of red light, and the crowd went wild.
    “All you have to do is call out attacks! Bring it, Shi Shi!” A medium sized black and white Zebra Pokémon stomped on to the field, and its white stripes glistened in the sun.
    “Poliwag, um… Bubble!” she glanced back at her part time master, before shooting an array of bubbles at the zebra, succeeding to thoroughly annoy it.

    “Shi Shi, use Stomp!” Shi Shi charged at the smaller creature, and then proceeded to step on it with huge force.

    “Hang in there! Water Gun, quick!” The Poliwag did as she was told and shot a large stream of water at Shi Shi, who shortly fell head first on the ground.

    “We got them now! Shi Shi, thunder shock!” The zebra Pokémon began charging for the electric attack that could be the doom of Poliwag. Athena did the only thing she could think of: she shouted an insane attack.
    “Poliwag, use... um… Dig!” Poliwag looked at Athena with the strangest look on her face, but managed to dig deep in the ground before Shi Shi could attack. Athena looked frantically for Max, who seemed to have disappeared, While Poliwag lost air underground.
    “I give! I give up! Poliwag, come back,” Athena yelped, and the red beam of light sucked Poliwag’s essence back into her Pokéball. Karma, two, Athena, zip.
    She scampered off the field as quickly as she could, and her blue skirt fluttered behind in the wind. Max maneuvered through the crowd and found her quickly.
    “What happened there? Why did you give up?” She asked.

    “Poliwag was suffocating because I had her use dig. Oh, that was horrible!” Athena sobbed and handed the Pokéball back to its owner. Max took her hand and led her up to TM and HM usage class. Athena wiped her eyes and nose, sniffled a bit, and walked as calmly as possible in to class behind Max
    #7 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  8. Great chapters! ://D

    I was especially shocked about Max's forfeit in the battle, but as you proceeded to explain things I understood the choice she'd made was for the better ^ 3 ^
    I'm really interested in the different classes you've described in your recent chapters and I love Max and Athena's relationship!
    I have a feeling they'll be great friends as time goes by~

    Now I'm ll excited to know what Pokemon will be Athena's first, and how she'll approach battles after this loss, and how her classmates will address her...

    Keep up the superb work!~

    Kasumi ♥♥
  9. Thanks Kasumi! You're very nice, and I'm glad you like these chapters!

    Chapter 5

    Max handed Poliwag back. “Assigned seats,” she murmured and took her seat off to the front left of the room. It was very spacious, and every desk had two disks on them, right in the middle with color on one side.
    Athena walked to the front of the room slower than usual. She took her own time examining each name on each desk, and the colors of each disk. She could hear whispers of the students around, and saw Geoffrey flash a huge smile at a girl across the classroom. Please! Athena thought. When she reached the teacher’s desk, the teacher, Mr. Shorti came in. Shorti was no exaggeration: he stood about two inches shorter than Athena, who wasn’t very tall to begin with.
    “Athena, sit over there,” he commanded. He pointed to a spot near the back of the classroom, right next to Falk, and right behind a snooty looking girl in a cheerleading top. Athena remembered her own cheerleading experiences and failed in trying not to shudder. Falk smiled at her, and she tried hard to smile back, but to no avail. Cheerleaders, ugh! Athena thought to herself and flashed back to her old school in Leafalli town…
    It was early in the morning, and the cool mist flowed across everyone’s skin like a nice breeze. Cheerleading time! Athena thought happily. She skipped to school with her top and skirt in her arms, just waiting for an opportunity to tell Sheili that she was in cheerleading too! Athena thought about all the fun cheers she would learn through most of that day, and when the final bell rang, and all the cheerleaders would be heading to the gym to properly sign up, Athena raced out the door in to the packed, skinny hallways. However, the smaller girl ran straight in to long time cheerleader at Leafalli School, Francine Nelson.
    “Hey little girl,” she spat, “ so you wanna be a cheerleader, huh? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you hot? Hell, are you even pretty?” Francine picked Athena up and looked her over three or four times. “Nope,” She said. With that, she threw Athena halfway down the hall, where she landed with her head against the ground. Francine had in school suspension for the rest of the month, but it didn’t make Athena feel any better. I’m not a cheerleader, I’m not a cheerleader, she thought to herself, but it only made her sob.

    “Miss Athena, bring out your Pokémon, please.” Athena’s head snapped up, and she released Poliwag.

    “Good. Now, those of you with a blue disk on the RIGHT side of your desk, pick it up. Now, read the number that’s on it.” Athena read hers to herself. 003… She thought and read the words on the side: Water Pulse.
    “Those of you with the water type disks, apply it to your Pokémon, and see if it does anything. Athena followed Mr. Shorti’s direct order, and applied it to Poliwag. A bright light flashed up, and Poliwag looked dazed. The blue disk lay in half on the desk.
    “Excellent. Now, Miss Athena, try it out. On anything you like.” He ducked in cover behind his desk.

    “Poliwag, Water pulse.” Athena glanced at the tadpole Pokémon and watched as it summoned a small blue orb in front of its body. Suddenly, it jumped up and fired the energy in rings, each progressively smaller than the other, until all the students were effectively soaked.
    (Short chapter is shorter than the rest D:)
    #9 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013

    Stupid older cheerleaders and their big heads! >:T (albeit, with little brains)
    I like this chapter, as it very effectively reflects on Athena's past and explains her dislike for cheerleaders~
    I also really like your description of Mr Shorti! He sounds like a really peculiar fellow~

    Loving this story, and Athena's character! Please keep it up! ://D

    Kasumi xx
  11. Yay! Next chapter! This chapter gets... I dunno SAD? It just goes to show how much luck Athena has.

    Chapter 6

    “Amazing! Great job!” Mr. Shorti rattled on, “Now, let’s-“ He was cut off by a large bell chiming from the roof.
    “Time for lunch, students. Then go back to your dorms for free period.” Athena and Max joined up and headed down to the snack bar with Poliwag and Treeko in tow.
    “So, umm… Athena, just so you know…” Athena glanced up at her with worry. Is something wrong? She wondered. “Athena… I’ve been here for a month, and, you know I’m your friend… But I’m leaving at the end of the week for my journey. I’ve been here before you came and, well, didn’t want to wait until last second to tell you.” Athena was speechless. Leaving? Leaving? Ohhh… She nodded her head diligently and they ate lunch together quietly.
    The loudspeaker came on and every head in the snack room turned toward the small black box in the corner of the room.
    “Attention! Max Ride and Athena Clarity are wanted at their room. Please report to room 352 immediately.” The voice crackled off and the two girls dumped their trays. They plodded up the stairs to reach the room, all the while thinking: Am I in trouble?
    They reached room 352 with Mari Ann ushering them through the long, manila hallways.
    “Athena, you hide under your bed. It is very necessary. Max, grab your important things from your bed. Quickly!” Athena felt Max climb in to the bed above hers. Don’t go early don’t go early, was all she could think about. Mari Ann kneeled down to see Athena’s face.
    “I’m sorry Athena, but Max needs to get out of here. I’m having you under here for two reasons sweet heart. One, I’m going to grab you a Pokémon here in a minute. The other is, well, some people are looking for Max, and we don’t want them to come in here and think you’re with her.” Athena couldn’t help but sob.
    “My…. First real…. Friend… is leaving now? W-why?”

    “Bad people are after her sweetie. She has to run now, or she might get caught.” Athena sat in stunned silence when Max came over.

    “I’ll miss you Athena. I want you to know that you’re a cool friend. I also want you to have Poliwag for me. Take care of her, and have a great time here. I’ll see you again someday, I promise. Good bye Athena.” She smiled at her best friend of two days, and was ushered back out with Treeko on her shoulder. She gave one last smile, then disappeared in to the elevator.
    Mari Ann rushed over with a Pokéball in hand. “Here you go sweetie, I’m sorry about your friend. Before she left, she wanted me to give you this.”
    She handed Athena the letter and the Pokéball, before calling in maids to clean Max’s old space out.
    Dear Athena,
    I’m really sorry I had to go like that. You see, some group that calls themselves ‘Team Griscolle’ has been searching for me for a long time. They think I have special powers and that I can help them tame Lugia! Stupid, right? Anyway, they thought I might be here, and Mari Ann heard they were coming, so they had me run now. I hope you know that I’m still your friend, and I know Poliwag trusts you, so treat her well. Also, I never mentioned it, but… I love the way you paint and I was wondering if you could paint the other part of the room like the Ocean. To remember me by, and always remember, The Ocean Is Beautiful!
    Your (best) friend,
    Max Ride
    #11 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  12. ; O ;

    I am not joking you- I cried when I read this chapter. It is so heart wrenching. :,(
    Poor Athena, she's left on her own... and with the memory of Max's Poliwag and the Ocean painting D;

    This is so beautiful! Oh my... I... I love it... it is so sudden and unexpected and well described... My favourite chapter so far!
    I'm kidding ;D I love this story~

    And p.s., can I draw you fanart? :> of Athena in this chapter?~
    Could you please PM me her appearance~?

    Kasumi xxxx
  13. Yep, lemme get the Pm in. Next chapter will take a while, as I have barely started it.
  14. HERP. Short chapter is short D: *Shot*

    Chapter 7

    Athena stared at the letter after crawling out from under the bed for a long while. The room was bright and new on Max’s old half.

    “Poliwag. Come out here.” The small Pokémon began sobbing on the floor. Athena leaned down and pet its head.

    “Poli? Poli, Poli?” Poliwag gestured at the new Pokéball on her belt with curiosity. Athena followed her gaze, and took the Pokéball and tossed it in the air.

    “Chika! Chika!” The green dinosaur like Pokémon squealed eagerly at being let out.

    “Chikorita, the leaf Pokémon. Its pleasantly aromatic leaf has the ability to check humidity and temperature. Gender: Male. Attacks: Razor leaf, tackle, growl.” A mechanical voice droned, and Athena’s head whipped around. Mari Ann stood there, offering a green Pokédex to her.
    “Thanks Mari Ann. “ Athena said. She took it from her and scanned Poliwag.

    “Poliwag, the tadpole Pokémon. The direction of its belly spiral differs by area. The equator is thought to have an effect on this. Gender: Female. Attacks: Bubble, Water gun, Dig, Water pulse.” The voice droned again. Athena shut the device and put it in her bag from Max, then took out her paints.
    Magnificent whites, blues, grays, and occasionally even blacks danced along the walls. Athena was proud of it, even if it was disheartening.

    The drab manila halls screamed to be painted. The boring portraits of boring people hung drearily on the walls. The little potted plants sat without bloom in the drab, boring, dreary hall. That’s every hall! Athena whined to herself. After losing Max, it was like the Climax of a story falling in to a dreary resolution.
    Chika? Chika Chikaa!” Chikore Squealed. Behavior studies time, Athena thought. That drawing! I might win a Pokémon this week… If she did happen to win, it would be her third Pokémon in a week.
    “Attention every one!” Mrs. Rossi screeched, “Today we are drawing out of the PRIZE JAR! Anyway, the winner is… CAROLINE JARARES!” Athena groaned inwardly. Now cheerleader girl wouldn’t stop bothering her!
    Suddenly, the loudspeaker crackled to life. “Athena Clarity, please report to the front desk, Athena Clarity to the front desk.” All eyes turned to Athena as she picked up her things and walked out the door, even Caroline had a sneer on her face.
    “Have fun Arsena!” Caroline whispered to her. Athena felt like punching her in the face. Hard. She shrugged the comment off as best she could, and walked down to the front desk, taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
    #14 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 31, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  15. Updates make me happy :>

    My favourite line from this chapter is definently: "drab walls...screaming to be painted."
    It's great descriptive personification!
    My only little advice for this chapter is to build a little bit of tension up before the draw, so that we feel Athena's disappointment when she isn't chosen.

    All in all, another great chapter and hooray! Now Athena has a Chikorita on her team too!
    *goes in to the Clarity fangirl corner and doodles* Kekekeke....

    Can't wait to read more!
    Kasumi xxx
  16. Merp. Shortness will be put in chapter 7 EDIT: Added a poll so I could see what people wanted Athena to have. Herp Derp.

    Chapter 7 part 2

    When she got there, Mari Ann was waiting with her bag and clothes.
    “Hurry and change in to this.” She shoved a red party dress at Athena.

    “What for?” Athena asked. She struggled to get it on over her T- shirt and shorts.

    “They’re after you now. We’ve heard that Max has gone to Unova, so you should stay here.”

    “Unova? Wow.” Athena murmured, “Wait, you want me to stay in Racherro?”

    “Yes I want you to stay in the Racherro Region! A caravan is passing through here, and they’ve agreed to take you to Leafalli Town. When you get there, talk to a girl named Ferne, and tell her why you’re there. When you do, she’ll give you a map, some money, and instructions on what to do after you leave Leafalli. When you pass by us on your way to the next town, do not come anywhere near. That part is very important. Do not come back here when you pass. Team Griscolle may be here when you come, so just run right by, don’t pay attention to anything, Okay?”
    It was difficult for Athena to take in. I’m a renegade now? Like Max? Will I see her again? Thoughts zoomed around in her head, and she was afraid to speak, so she nodded her head.
    “Good. The caravan is here. I’ll miss you Athena. Be careful, stay safe!” Mari Ann shouted after her as she was rushed out the door and in to a wagon like vehicle.
    The last thing she heard before she walked out the doors was the loudspeaker. “Attention all students: The names Max Ride and Athena Clarity shall never be mentioned again, for their safety, and your own.” Athena was truly alone.
    #16 Stam~ Susie Salmon, Dec 31, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  17. D'awwww, this is a sweet little story. Though now I'm anxious to know what happens next. Keep up the great writing :D

Share This Page