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Angel's Pokemon Life

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Anonymous, Nov 27, 2010.

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  1. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Chapter One

    Angel awoke lying in bed one morning to the sound of her Ho-Oh shouting out to the sky. She was wondering why, but she figured out why- Crackers, her Ho-Oh, had accidentally thrown it's Frisbee in the sky again. She groaned, got up, and dressed in her usual clothing- a strapless, lime green shirt, a forest green pair of long jeans with shadow black tips, and long shadow black boots with diamonds on the sides as buttons. She also put on a belt with Poke Balls on the side and a headband with a lime green Poke Ball logo on it. She brought out a Safari Ball from her brother and said, "Poliwrath, come on out." Her Poliwrath happily jumped out with a joyful yip of excitement. Angel said, "Poliwrath, let's go outside and use Waterfall. We have to retrieve Crackers' Frisbee." They both walked outside, feeling the cool, autumn breeze. Angel and her family lived in Rockytone City near her Gym, and there was a Waterfall near the gym, and next to the waterfall was Crackers, kicking a rock around. "Poliwrath, use Waterfall and climb the Waterfall!" shouted Angel to her Poliwrath, who was already climbing it. When it reached the top, it used Water Gun to spray the sky, which made a blazing orange Frisbee fall. 'I know this might be a weird day...' thought Angel as Crackers the Ho-Oh happily gnawed on it's Frisbee.

    Angel had walked home and realized her father wasn't home. He had to work in New Bark Town all day and wasn't coming home until his research was done. It was a good thing he brought along Angel's Eevee, Kih-Yahn, because she knew she loved Pokemon research. Angel had made breakfast, which consisted of bacon, toast and scrambled eggs. Shih-Yahn enjoyed it, but Crackers wasn't interested. Angel's brother, NO., had eaten his breakfast at once, because she knew he loved bacon. After breakfast, Angel looked at her black watch and said, "Oh, time to head to the gym. I'll be back this evening, NO. You watch the Pokemon while I'm out, 'K?" "Ah, sure. They'll be fine with me and my other Pokemon." replied NO. proudly. He had watch Angel's Pokemon, and so far they were used to him. "NO., don't forget, whenever Crackers loses his Frisbee in the sky, just bring Poliwrath outside, use Waterfall on the waterfall outside my gym and she'll use Water Gun to bring it down. Don't forget!" Angel called before walking out the door and shutting it.

    Meanwhile, at the gym, Angel had walked in when she noticed her mother's Nidoking. "Hey, Pencilpower," sighed Angel. Pencilpower was looking at the gym's tall grass, water, sand and color changing lights. The Shiny Nidoking turned it's head and hugged Angel. He didn't poison her, because only the horn on his head had harsh poison. "Nidoking, Nido Nido Nido.." it said. Angel put on her Pokemon Translater and said, "Can you repeat that, please?" Pencilpower repeated, except it came out: "Your dad told me to tell you something..." Angel could tell he wasn't feeling to happy. "Well, what did he say?" "Um.. I think it's too tragic.." "Just tell me." "Okay.."

    When Angel was done at the gym, she left for home, sobbing into her bag. "Hey, Angel, why you sad?" "Angel quickly stopped and said, "Well, our mom.. well.." She immediatly started crying hard again, hugging her Pokemon. To cheer her up, Shih-Yahn used his mind powers to change her thoughts from tragic death to delicious food. Then Angel said, "I guess I won't be crying hard now.. well, our mom, well, she died from a terrible fall, falling off her Flying -Type Arceus, but the Arceus lived. Spirit takes care of it, but not it's Psychic -Type." Angel began to sniffle, but she didn't cry. NO. knew that Angel would soon remember it one day and think of it as something great.

    The next day, NO. said, "Hey Angel, since your good at accuracy, how about you show it to me at the old abandoned cave next to your gym in front of the waterfall?" The old, abandoned cave was really a castle inside. But since it got torn down when Arceus moved in, the only baby Arceus there found a fine circle made of piney wood, and carved it's face into it. It was hidden ever since that day, and Angel thought it may be just a myth. So she accepted NO.'s challenge and met him at the cave. They used plastic bullets, so no one got hurt. It was Angel's turn to defend her territory, so she had the defending orange gun. NO. had the attacking green gun. Angel fired at NO. and missed, so she climbed over her "fortress" to retrieve her plastic green bullet. When she found it, she noticed something- something shiny- with an ancient drawing on it. Angel whispered, "Wow.. I'd better not tell NO. or else he'll want it.." "Hey Angel! Find your bullet yet?" NO. was jogging over to see as Angel put the coin in her pocket. "Uh, ya I did."

    After a long game of Castle Defenders, with Angel winning, they both went home in time for lunch. Professor Elm was home with Kih-Yahn playing with Shih-Yahn's feet. "Afternoon, dad," said NO. when he walked into the room. "Hi, dad, " said Angel, following behind NO. "Oh, hello, NO. and Angel. Just to remind you, Spirit's gone out to the gym in Mindlake Town. Don't go looking for her around the house now, okay?" replied Professor Elm. "And Kih-Yahn has surprisingly learned how to cook, so she made lunch." Kih-Yahn was happily holding two bowls of salad, complete with croutons. She gave them to Angel and NO. and they joyfully dug in, not leaving alone the croutons. The door opened, and Spirit walked in, looking exausted. "What happened at the gym?" asked Angel hopefully. "It was AWFUL! Some little kid defeated me, and now my level 100 Pokemon are done for! All he did was make his level 34 Wartortle POKE my Pokemon. I mean POKE. How do you beat Pokemon by POKE?" Spirit sighed. She knew there was no way to continue being the Psychic and Cosplayer -Type Gym leader with Angel just being Every and Cosplayer -Type. "Tee-hee! You said 'POKE my Pokemon..' it's funny because you said POKE and Pokemon, and they both have POKE in it.. HAHAHA!!" laughed NO., who was great at making things funny, but things didn't work this time. "It's not funny, NO.." said Angel, glaring at her salad. Kih-Yahn offered Spirit some salad, and Spirit tried it. "Wow, this salad is good," complimented Spirit satisfyingly. "Who made this?" "Kih-Yahn did, Spirit. Isn't my little baby a great chef!" replied Angel, hugging Kih. "Well, for the first time ever, I never thought Pokemon could be good at things humans could do!"

    EDIT: I'm not continuing. I'm getting so stressed about explaining things and this is getting confusing and freaky. I'm totally new at this stuff, and I know you might be saying 'READ THE RULES! >:(' but I'm not continuing. Can a mod/admin please delete this? I'm SO stressed and freaked out now.
    -Quickii (no longer a fan of writing fan fictions here because my mind has stuff no one understands.. I'll stand in the corner of shame now..)
    #1 Anonymous, Nov 27, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  2. Sem

    Sem The Last of the Snowmen
    Former Administrator

    Hi Quickii. Uhm. If this is a joke-fic of some sort then you should probably say so somewhere at the beginning of your post.

    If this isn't a joke-fic then I'm terribly sorry but I'm having a lot of trouble taking this seriously - meaning I'm failing to take it seriously at all.

    Your character is a gym leader AND has a Ho-Oh, AND is the daughter of Professor Elm. She is already a Mary Sue, and a bad one at that. It's ok to have trainers with legendaries in fan-fiction, but it takes a lot of skill to write a legendary effectively into a fic, especially if it belongs to a trainer. You haven't done it very effectively at all I'm sorry to say.

    Besides that there are several other things wrong with this fic. First off. Their mother died, and not tragically, try ridiculously. Their mother fell off of the most powerful Pokemon in existence, and somehow, by falling off, she injured the Arceus? Why couldn't Arceus save her? This makes no sense, and looking beyond the fact that their mother was also a Mary Sue for riding on the back of the most powerful Pokemon in existence, it's completely stupid that their dad told a Pokemon to tell Angel instead of telling her himself. Why isn't the dad at home mourning the death of his wife? Angel and NO weren't mourning at all, and you used food as an excuse? Have you never had to mourn the death of a loved one? If you haven't then let me tell you that NOTHING, especially not "delicious food", will distract you from that pain. And then they run off to play in a cave where a baby Arceus lives.

    I won't go into any grammar stuff, mostly because there's so much more important stuff wrong with this. My advice? Fix your characters. Make them believable. Because right now no one can take them seriously. Also make your scenarios and situations believable. It is impossible to take this fic seriously. I suggest that you seriously sit down and map out your characters better. Make them life-like, make them human - don't make them cartoon characters.
    #2 Sem, Nov 27, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  3. Sir Red

    Sir Red Charms' Caped Crusader

    Sem touched on most of the stuff that I would have brought up, but I just wanted to say this: Why does Ho-oh, a flying type that rules the skies, need a water-type to get its frisbee down from the sky? :T Also, how does that even work? Do the laws of physics not apply in your fics reality? Something to clarify...

    Also, when in conversation you always start a new paragraph when somebody new speaks.

    But yeah, you need quite a bit of work really...think about things before writing them up. Also, Sue test your characters, for all our sake. :x
  4. I'm sorry to say that I didn't finish reading what you posted; all of the questions that came up are exatcly mirrored by Sem and Sir Red. Except, perhaps, one: who names their son 'NO.'? Where is the logic there?
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Answering all of the questions--

    Well, it's a fanfiction, not trying to be a joke. Let me say that I made this fanfiction, well I don't really know, but I just felt like it. Sorry if that was not a good answer, but I really have a reason but I can't figure it out. I know it's complicated being a gym leader, owning a Ho-Oh and being the daughter of Professor Elm, but I made this up and put this in my fanfiction for some strange reason, but it just popped up in my head. I know the death was not really tragic, but the Arceus didn't really 'know' it, plus, the other questions, yeah, the Skittolu didn't really know what to do, and plus food makes my character happy again. The other questions are too complicated because my mind was being weird for some reason. I guess I'll just change it, but since all this random stuff is popping up I guess I'll just delete it because I wouldn't want it to get locked. Plus everything is freaking me out, and I'm about to get stressed about this dumb fanfiction. MY STUPID MIND!!! >:(

    Oh, and I put the idea of my brother being called "NO." because my sister played SoulSilver, chosethe gender Boy and named him NO. to be funny. That's why.

    Well, My Ho-Oh has a strange fear of flying alone without me because it thinks a random Pokemon would come up to it and try to beat the heck out of it, especially if it's an Articuno. So my Poliwrath has to get it down for it just to help. I know it's dumb, but that's what I thought of.
    #5 Anonymous, Nov 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
  6. This actually looks nice ^^ I like it.
  7. Sem

    Sem The Last of the Snowmen
    Former Administrator

    Pretending to be another person in order to glorify your own work? That's pretty low. You are banished. Topic locked.
    #7 Sem, Nov 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2013
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