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A Small Favor (Pokemon Fanfic)

Discussion in 'Creative Archive' started by Picnicker Virgil, May 9, 2008.

  1. Sorry if it's bad, which it is. I'm kinda tired and I don't even really wanna write this I'm just bored and I got the idea.


    "Absolutely not."
    "Why not? C'mon, please?"
    "Because I said so. Now I have to go, I love you and for the last time no."

    Luther Janson sighed and kicked the unplugged air conditioning which was resting just below his feet on the kitchen floor. He had been trying to pursuade his mom for some money in which he could buy a pokemon off of his neighbor, Harold. He had always wanted a pokemon but he had never had the opportunity for one until now. Harold had come up to Luther the day before and told him he had been out in the woods and found a pokeball. He had filled his story with details that made Luther more jealous than he had been in a long time. He told him how he had found a sleeping Beedrill and managed to capture it in the pokeball. And then he had offered to sell Luther the pokemon. Too bad for Luther he was a bit short of cash. But then, most eleven year olds didn't keep their money long either. His mother had enough money to spare but she didn't like the idea of Luther buying a pokemon, she thought it seemed wrong. He had picked a bad time to ask her, she had just been leaving to fill in at the pokecenter for Nurse Joy, who was visiting a relative in Kanto.
    Luther thought of all he could do if he only had a pokemon. Not only would he be able to train it and battle with it, he would also have protection from the other pokemon. His mom would probably let him go out of town if he had one. She was always telling him he would be attacked by wild pokemon if he ventured too far from the town. And she never hesitated to tell him the story of how she had been attacked when she was around his age. Luther often thought that was the main reason she didn't let him leave town alone.
    "This is so stupid..." He said to himself as he plopped down into a chair and rested his elbows on his knees while holding his head, brown hair sticking out between his fingers. Now he had to go tell Howard that he couldn't actually buy the pokemon from him. He stood and opened the door which led out into Cherrygrove.



    "Harold's not here, sweety. I'm sorry. He'll probably be back soon, though. He's out near the woods if you need him." Luther nodded, thanked Harold's mother and stepped away from her door. Harold's mom was cool, she actually let him do what he wanted. Having nothing better to do, Luther decided to look for Harold in the woods.
    The walk to the woods was long but Luther didn't mind it much. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going anyways. He knew exactly where Harold would be as they both used to venture to the same spot in the woods in the past. They hadn't been hanging out as much recently, but Luther figured Harold wouldn't have found a better spot without telling him. The gate leading to the woods was just in front of him now. Luther opened it and closed it behind him before looking back once more to Cherrygrove and then heading into the woods.
     
  2. I haven't seen the concept before, and it is quite interesting. The only thing is the flow of the sentences, which sometimes run on for a bit. A few commas placed in some places would help a lot, such as in the middle of the first sentence. Your description is excellent, though, and I suggest you use the little things that you mention- such as Luther's mother's story- later as plot devices. They can be quite useful.

    I await the next chapter eagerly.
     
  3. Good, but the format needs to be different. Everything else is great though. 8.5/10
     
  4. Thanks for the feedback guys. I'll try and add more commas. Sorry about the format, too. I tend to not press enter very much when I post. I'm gonna try and work on that though. Anyways, here's the next part.


    Luther knew the way to his and Harold's spot by heart, but had he not he probably would have ended up there anyways. A trail was well worn into the dirt from the numerous times the two of them had walked this way before. Luther followed the sound of shouting, which was coming from Harold, to their quaint clearing in the woods. Harold seemed to be having a fun time trying to get his new Beedrill to do some moves. The Beedrill didn't seem to want to listen.
    "Luther!" Harold shouted, spotting his friend. "Guess what?" Luther was staring at Beedrill, this was the first time he had actually seen the pokemon. He turned his head to Harold for a second to ask, "What?" Before quickly snapping it back towards the bug pokemon. "I got my Beedrill to do a move!" Harold bragged, " I made it use Fury Attack on that tree! He won't do it again but it was still cool." Luther tried not to look jealous. "Cool." He said. "About what you asked me," Harold cut him off. "Did you get the money?"
    Luther looked to the ground, sullen. "No. Now I can't buy Beedrill." He was hoping maybe Harold might end up just giving him the Pokemon, but instead he shocked Luther by saying something he hadn't expected to hear. "You know, there's still a way you can get this Beedrill." Luther's green eyes lit up with excitement. "How?" He asked immediately. Harold walked closer. "I'm willing to trade you for this Pokemon." Luther didn't quite understand. "Why? What do I have that you want?" He tried to think of anything special Harold might be interested in. "No, it's not something you have. Well, yet anyways." Luther was getting slightly worried. "What are you talking about?"
    Harold laughed and blinked a few times. "Y'know New Bark town?" He didn't wait for Luther to answer. "Well, there's a Pokemon professor there, Professor Elm, he gives away Pokemon." Luther began to smile. He started to talk but Harold wasn't finished. "He has this one Pokemon, Cyndaquil, that I really want. All you have to do is go to New Bark town, get a Cyndaquil from him and this Beedrill is all yours." Luther smiled wide. "Really?" He asked. Harold nodded. Luther's eyebrows turned downward in a confused way. "If it's that easy why don't you just go and get it?" Harold looked to Luther with a surprised face. "Are you kidding? My mom would kill me if I did that." Luther didn't believe that, his mom would probably let him go all the way to Kanto if he asked. "You do want the Beedrill, don't you?"
    He did want it. "What if I get attacked by a Pokemon or something on the way? It's a long way to get there." Harold sighed. "You're not gonna get attacked... God..." Luther was getting kind of angry. "Yeah, but still. What if?" He wondered if maybe Harold would let him borrow Beedrill for safety. "Rrr. Fine." Harold said, reaching into his pocket for a second. When his hand returned it was holding a small red and white ball. "I found another Pokeball. I was gonna save it but if you REALLY need to be safe, here. If you get attacked just catch the Pokemon and then you can use it to fight off any other Pokemon that try and hurt you." Harold thrust the pokeball into Luther's outstretched hand. "This is awesome!" Luther said, staring at his pokeball. "So you'll do it?"
    Luther smiled wide and looked up. "Yes. I'll do it."
     
  5. Virgil, I find this a very good story, but I would advise double spacing it and pressing 'Enter' everytime some different speaks. I just find it very hard to read.

    Other then that, I think this story is a very good read, and could possibly even reach up to Sem's level of awesomeness with some work.
     
  6. Thanks Secad, I'll try to do that. When it comes down to the overal look of my posts I always tend to mess up.


    Night had fallen. Luther had been waiting until sundown to leave. He didn't really know why he wanted to travel at night, he just had a feeling he should. Having already packed his things for what he figured would be a two day trip there and back, Luther quietly snuck out of his room. Just an hour earlier his mother had arrived home and had immediately plopped down in her bed, so Luther made sure to be extra quiet when he passed her closed door.

    It had been a cold morning so Luther had dressed for a cold night. He was wearing a black sweatshirt with a white pokeball emblem in the middle. He was also wearing black jeans so he would be less visible to any pokemon that wanted to attack him. He figured it would be unlikely that he would even encounter a wild Pokemon, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

    Luther cringed as the back door slowly creaked open making what Luther thought the loudest noise he had ever heard. "Shh..." He said although he knew that wouldn't do anything. Luther's red shoe stepped onto the dirt outside and he was so relieved he had made it out that he forgot to be quiet when he shut the door. It slammed slightly and Luther froze for a moment, expecting his mother to come down the stairs and yell at him to get back inside. A minute passed and nothing happened so he figured it would be safe to go on.

    It was a stupid idea to go through the tall grass but there were too many cars on the road and wearing all black he would likely be hit. Luther had been trudging for about forty five minutes now. He was a fair distance from his house but if his mom took the car she could catch up to him easily. Luther was getting annoyed by the tall grass, which reached above his head, and finally decided to walk a little closer to the road. The sidewalks were narrow but he would fit. He pushed back the grass, spitting something which he had no idea what it was out of his mouth as he did so. Luther groaned, irritated. When he finally pushed back the last bit of grass and reached the sidewalk he nearly threw himself forward. He wiped some dirt, which had been clinging to the grass and then to him, off of his pants and continued walking.

    Bored, Luther tried to make his walking into a type of game. Each time he reached a streetlight he would give himself ten points. It wasn't a fun game at all but it helped pass the time. He was up to seventy points when suddenly a new light lit up his surroundings. The light was from a car which was approaching him from behind. Luther had expected the car to keep going but when it was next to him it slowed down until it was at equal speed with his walking.
    The window to the truck rolled down and Luther could see an unshaven man a bit on the heavy side behind the wheel.

    "Where ya headed?" The man asked Luther, leaning over to get the full view. Luther had been trying not to look lost but he had obviously failed at that.

    "Um, New Bark. Although I'm not even sure if I'm going the right way." Luther regretted saying this shortly after.

    "I'm headed there right now. Why don't you hop in and I'll give you a lift? It's not safe to walk out here alone."

    Luther was growing worried. "Um, no thanks.." He said awkwardly, trying not to sound rude. He started to walk away but the truck followed.

    "C'mon, it's just up the road."

    "No thanks."

    "C'mon, get in."

    "No, really-" Luther quickened his pace.

    "GET IN!" The truck sped up.

    Luther yelled for help as he ran his fastest to try and avoid the car. He went back into the tall grass in attempt to lose the car. It only slowed him down. The truck, meanwhile, flattened the grass as it drove over it. Luther felt a thud on his back as the truck hit him from behind. He fell to the ground and lost his breath. He weakly tried to get up as he heard a car door slam shut. He was being lifted up. He felt duct tape being wrapped over his mouth and eyes. Strong hands clamped his wrists together tightly and bound them as well. His feet were the last to be wrapped in the powerful tape. Luther was crying, something that only happened when he was truly scared or in a great amount of paint. His cries for help were now muffled from the duct tape, which had been wrapped around his head twice. He was thrown into the truck which began taking off at average speed, probably so the driver didn't get pulled over.

    Scared, kidnapped and alone Luther couldn't think straight. He regretted ever trying to do this. He had prepared for pokemon problems but something like this he would have never expected. Luther couldn't stop crying, the strong tape forced the tears back into his eyes. After a few minutes in the automobile Luther did the one thing he had been trying not to do since he had been thrown in the trunk; he fell asleep.
     
  7. Great! This is much easier to read now.

    As others have said before, this is really interesting and I can't wait to read more!
     
  8. Good, the format has definitely improved, keep it up. Nice turn of events in the last chapter; again, I wait to see how this story develops.
     
  9. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    The format is much better now. Great work ^^

    This is an interesting story, I'll be waiting for the next chapter...
     
  10. LETS SEE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!
     
  11. Woah, I wasn't expecting this much feedback... Actually, I wasn't expecting any...


    It was morning when the truck finally stopped, but it made no difference to Luther whose eyes were still covered in duct tape. Luther awoke when the same strong hands as the night before lifted him from the truck and placed him into a bag of some sort. He immediately resumed his frightened yelps and vigorous movements although now he wasn't crying nearly as bad. The occasionaly tear would well up but that was about it.

    "Morning Mike." a voice from not far away said. Luther began wriggling around more and making as much noise as he could, hoping someone would notice.

    "Not so much morning, hah, didn't sleep at all last night. I was out trying to find some good pokemon for my Nephew."

    "So I'm guessing that's what's movin' all around in that bag?"

    "Hah, yep. What else would it be? All right, I gotta go catch up on some sleep. Take care."

    "Talk to you later."

    Luther stopped moving as much when the door closed behind the man apparently named Mike. That was possibly his one chance at escape and his captor had managed to blow it for him.

    "Don't ever try to pull that kinda shit again!" Mike thundered, kneeing the bag containing Luther. Luther's grunt of pain as Mike's knee came into contact with his chest was muffled by the tape.

    He was so busy trying to overcome the pain that he barely noticed they had just decended a flight of stairs. Suddenly, Luther was pulled out of the bag and placed onto hard concrete. The tape covering Luther's eyes was ripped off, plenty of hair from where the tape had overlapped his head came too. He could see again, but the sight of his captor was something he didn't want to look at. He tried to crawl away but a strong foot came down on his ankle. He gave a shout once again, and as always it was mostly blocked out by the tape.

    Mike smiled and approached the crying eleven year old, an intimidating smile portrayed on his unshaved face. He bent down and ripped off the tape from Luther's mouth. This time, Luther's cry of pain could be heard clearly. At least to them.

    "Yell all you want. This place's soundproof." Mike taunted, standing and admiring his victim.

    Luther was too scared to say anything. Suddenly, a small yellow creature, flying inches above the ground, zipped between him and Mike. Luther hadn't caught a good look at whatever it was, as it had just darted behind an empty box, but he learned soon enough.

    "Damn Dunsparce!" Mike complained, stamping his foot on the hard floor and looking around. It wasn't until now that Luther noticed there were Dunsparce everywhere. He had to look closely to notice them, but he spotted four in just a few seconds. "Thought I took care of them..." Mike mumbled. He turned back to Luther for just a second before a doorbell sounded from upstairs.

    Mumbling something Luther couldn't hear. Mike started towards the stairs. He looked back to Luther. "You just sit tight 'til I get back..." He said before slowly climbing up the stairs, locking the door behind him.

    Luther knew he had to escape. He had already missed one opportunity to get free, he wasn't going to miss this one. He immediately brought his arms underneath his legs so that they were now in front of him. He began chewing on the tape, hoping to gnaw his way out of the bonds. As he bit down on the tape he felt something. With a jolt he looked to his feet. Two Dunsparce were chewing on the tape binding his legs. "You're... helping me?" Luther said in surprise. He had always figured wild pokemon would either hurt you or stay away from you.

    His legs were free, he brought his bound hands down to get rid of the rest of the tape when the Dunsparce began nibbling on that tape too. Luther was thrilled. The pokemon had just cut up the duct tape on his wrists when he noticed more and more starting to appear. He counted fourteen in all. Luther rubbed his chafed wrists. He was no longer bound, but he was still trapped.

    "Any idea how to get out of here?" Luther asked the pokemon as he looked around for an exit. There was a tiny window that was too high up and too small for him to fit into. Just then, the pokemon began to scatter. "Is he coming back?!" Luther asked, worried. Then the pokemon started to form a line. Luther stood and looked to where they were headed. One by one they went behind a box near a corner, each saying a portion of their name in time with their movements.

    Behind the box Luther noticed a hole, just barely big enough for him to fit in. "A way out!" he said to himself and the Dunsparce. His heart was beating fast. What if Mike came down just then? The Dunsparce began entering the hole. After a few had gone in it seemed the rest were waiting for him to enter. "Me next?" He asked, looking behind him at the door before turning back. The Dunsparce said nothing but Luther assumed it was his turn. He lowered himself onto his stomach and looked straight at the hole. He could see the backs of several Dunsparce crawling around, some going around corners. It was a huge city of tunnels. "Woah..." Luther said before realizing he better not waste any time.

    Taking a deep breath, Luther started to crawl forward. He was now in the tunnel. Dirt and rocks were all he felt underneath him. It was hard work crawling but he managed to move ahead enough for another Dunsparce to go into the tunnel behind him. And then he heard it. Someone was coming down the stairs fast.

    "I hope you-" Mike's deep, frightening voice started before noticing Luther was gone. "All right where did you go?!" He shouted, flipping over several boxes and pacing the room in search of his prisoner. Luther gave a scared whimper accidently and the footsteps stopped. The box hiding the tunnels was pushed aside, as were several Dunsparce. Cries of "Dun!" were mixed in with Mike's various threats as he extended a long arm in the hole. "You're not getting away!"

    The Dunsparce behind Luther was knocked to the side by the strong arm and Luther felt a hand clamp down on his hurt ankle. The ankle Mike had grabbed was the one he hadn't stomped on, so now all Luther had to propel himself forward was a hurt ankle and two hands with nothing to hold on to. He cried for help but that did nothing. He was being pulled from the tunnel, rocks were tearing his shirt and cutting his skin. And then he was out. He was going to die, Luther figured. He was crying again. Mike smacked him hard on the chest, sending him backward.

    "Thought that was smart, didn't you?!" The kidnapper asked rhetorically. "Thought maybe you could-"

    A Dunsparce, one of the many that had just exited the tunnels, rammed into Mike's stomach. "Oof!" He grunted. The Dunsparce continued its rollout attack and other ones joined in as well. Luther watched in amazement as the pokemon helped him yet again. And then he realized he had to get out of here. The Dunsparce may have Mike outnumbered but he had proved to be strong in the past.

    Luther ran up the stairs and swung the door open. A yell came from downstairs but he ignored it. He had no idea where the door to outside was, since he had still been in the bag when he had been brought to the cellar. He ran through the house for a while before he finally found it. As he struggled with the knob, sounds of someone ascending the stairs could be heard from not far away. Luther slammed the door shut behind him and took off. It was a stupid thing to do, but he grabbed his bag from the back of the trunk when he spotted it. He put it on as he ran.

    "Get back here!" Mike yelled as the door opened. A few Dunsparce were clinging to his body and some were even still attacking his back with Roll out. Luther started to run around to the back of the house. There was a loud crash from behind him. Though he had told himself not to look back, he did anyways. Mike had crashed into some metal trash cans and was now being pelted with Yawn attacks from a few of the Dunsparce. Luther slowed down a bit, noticing his kidnapper had fallen asleep. The Dunsparce all turned to face Luther and began flying towards him.

    "C'mon." Luther breathed as he started jogging and then sprinting away, the Dunsparce following. "Let's go!"
     
  12. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Great chapter. I love the Dunsparce army!
     
  13. Thanks silvermagpie :). I'm kinda at a loss for ideas right now... As I said in my first post I only made this Fan Fic because I was bored so I never really thought the whole story through.


    Dead leaves crunched beneath Luther's feet as he and the Dunsparce walked through the woods. Actually, Luther was the only one walking. The Dunsparce were hovering a few inches above the ground. The amount of trees started to grow thinner, the woods were coming to an end. Luther had decided to travel in the woods that ran along the town he assumed was New Bark. To him, it was better than walking around town were Mike could possibly spot him. And he probably would, too. It's not too hard to spot a kid with twenty or so Dunsparce following him.

    The woods came to an end. They stopped in the backyard of someone's house. "Looks like we're gonna have to go into town..." Luther said. "Maybe it would be better if you guys just went back to your home, that way we won't attract any attention." The Dunsparce didn't move. "Thanks for everything, though." Still, the Dunsparce stayed put, all forty eyes on Luther. "Really, you don't have to..." He suddenly realized what was happening. The kind of things that happened in movies and books. He had actually met pokemon that he liked and that liked him back. This was the perfect pokemon to capture! But there were twenty Dunsparce and he only had one pokeball.

    The Dunsparce seemed to know what Luther was thinking. "But how?" He asked the pokemon. They split apart from their single file line and formed a large group. "Ah, I get it." He said, grabbing the empty pokeball from his pocket. "I'll just through the pokeball into the crowd, close my eyes, and whichever one I capture will be my Dunsparce." He smiled after saying my Dunsparce. Would this make him a pokemon trainer? He smiled wider. "Ok, here goes."

    Luther pressed the small white button on the pokeball, expanding it to more than twice its previous size. He lightly tossed it into the crowd before quickly spinning around and covering his eyes with his hands. He could hear the sound of the pokeball opening and the sound of a laser like beam being shot out of the high tech sphere. The ball bounced down on the ground and landed with a thud. He could hear the sound of the ball capturing the pokemon. There was no struggle. And then, Luther heard the confirming 'ping' noise of a caught pokemon. "Yes!" He said, turning around.

    The Dunsparce were gone. Luther frowned slightly. He had wanted to give them a proper good bye. Still, he had a pokemon now. Maybe someday he could come back here and visit the rest of the colony. If, that is, he had the courage to go back in the basement of Mike's house. Luther sighed as he picked up the pokeball, still thinking of the rest of the Dunsparce. They had taken off fast. But he quickly became happier as he decreased the pokeball's size and placed it in his pocket. He would have to remember to buy a pokebelt so he could clip the pokeball to his waist.

    Luther looked up and saw a face staring at him from the window of the house nearby. 'I should probably get off of their lawn.' He thought to himself. He gave a slight apologetic wave to whoever was in the window before jogging onto a road nearby. Spotting what appeared to be the center of town, Luther headed over in that direction. He felt in his pocket, the wrong pocket, for his pokeball. As he realized he had checked the wrong pocket he went for the other before noticing he had something in that pocket. It was a piece of paper. Luther felt a lump in his stomach as he checked what the paper was. He prayed it wasn't what he thought it was. It was. It was a letter he had written to his mother explaining why he would be gone. He had meant to leave it on the counter before he left, but he had forgotten.

    His mother would be worried enough if he had left the letter but without it she would be terrified. This was exactly what happened with his father. He left one day and never came back. A few days later he had left a message on their answering machine telling them that he had decided it 'wasn't working out' and that he was moving to Kanto to become a pokemon trainer. It had taken both of them a long time to recover from that, and it was still a touchy topic.

    Now to find the professor's lab. He didn't come all this way to not keep his promise. It would be a smart thing to just go home, but while he was here he may as well. The problem was, as easy as it might seem to find a huge laboratory, it wasn't.

    "Excuse me." Luther said, tapping a nearby man on the shoulder. The man grunted and turned around, apparently angered that someone interrupted his walking.

    "What?"

    "Um, which was is it to Professor Elm's lab?"

    The man laughed and walked away. That didn't go over well. Luther walked around a bit before deciding to try someone else. He tapped a woman on her shoulder and said, "Excuse me." Once more. Her answer wasn't very different from the other stranger's. He gave up for a while and sat down on a bench. He was hungry, so he pulled out a granola bar from his backpack. In two bites the bar was gone. Luther got up to throw the wrapper in nearby trashcan and as he did he saw an old man throwing something away too.

    "Hi." The elderly citizen said, smiling. Luther said hi back and threw away the wrapper. This would be a good person to ask, he seemed nice. Just as he was walking away Luther caught up with him and tugged on the sleeve of his coat.

    "Excuse me." He said politely, just as he had said to the two other strangers.

    Turning around, the man said, "Yes?"

    "Do you think you could take me to Professor Elm's lab?"

    "Uh," He looked slightly confused. Luther bit his lip, he hoped he wouldn't say no. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not the traveler I used to be."

    Now Luther was confused. "Well, do you think you could tell me where it is?"

    "It's in New Bark town I believe."

    Luther was really confused now. "Um, where am I?"

    The man looked at him and smiled, "You're in Blackthorn."
     
  14. Much, much, much better. Good work. Can't wait to see what happens next!
     
  15. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Lol, you should think of a title. Your story has quite a few fans ;)

    To say your at a loss for ideas, this story is full of great ones. I'm loving all the twists. Poor Luther doesn't seem to be the luckiest of people... except for meeting the Dunsparce army of course!

    Great chapter and interesting ending ^^
     
  16. Indeed, this story is growing on me, can't wait to see where you take it!
     
  17. Great work! I can't wait to see how Luther gets out of this. I guess everyone has one of those days where nothing goes right.
     
  18. That's the best title I could come up with. I'll change it if I can think of a better one.


    "I..." Luther stuttered as he tried to take in what he had just heard.

    "Hope I could be of some help." The old man said with a smile and a wave as he headed off.

    Luther sank to his knees. "Blackthorn..." He said as his hands shot to his temples. "What am I supposed to do?" His stomach growled. He opened his bag up to check how much money he had with him. Not much.

    "Would you like a coupon?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

    Luther turned around and saw a teenage boy garbed in odd work attire staring at him with a goofy grin and a stack of papers. "...What?"

    "A coupon. I'm giving them out to everyone. They're free."

    Luther slowly stood up and took one of the coupons, which was basically an 8 by 12 piece of paper with some information and a few generic images on it. "Thanks." He said as the teenager rushed off to hand a coupon to an elderly couple. The coupon was forty percent off of any meal at a nearby restaurant, apparently in celebration of a meteor shower that would take place soon. "Oh." Luther said, figuring with this coupon, and the fact that children 12 and under got to order from the children's menu, he could probably buy himself a decent meal. Maybe he could even get his Dunsparce a meal, too.

    Luther took out his Dunsparce's pokeball as he thought of his pokemon. No sooner had he done so then a voice called out from far away.

    "Hey, kid!" Another teenager, about thirteen from the looks of it, said as he walked towards Luther.

    "Me?" Luther asked kind of quietly.

    "Yeah. Are you a trainer? A new one?"

    Luther figured he was probably officially a trainer, having a pokeball that contained a pokemon. He nodded.

    "Are you going to the trainer campout tonight? I'm trying to get as many new trainers as I can to go. There's a lot of more experienced trainers looking for travel partners and they seem to prefer the inexperienced trainers. No offence."

    "None taken... What is the trainer camp out?" Luther folded his coupon and placed it in his pocket.

    "It's just a big thing out in the woods. Some of the others put some signs up so no one would have a hard time getting there. Basically, all us trainers are getting together to watch the meteor shower. We're all gonna have tents and everything. And as I said before, all the trainers are going to be on the lookout for travel partners."

    "I guess I'll go..." Luther said, figuring maybe one of the others could take him home. Or at least to New Bark.

    "Great. Whenever you're ready, just go over there," He pointed to a spot in the distance. "And just follow that sign. I'm gonna go help set everything up. And don't be surprised if you get challenged to a battle." The trainer waved goodbye and jogged off.

    "Hmm." Luther said. It sounded like it would be pretty fun, he had never seen a meteor shower before. His stomach growled again. "All right, all right." He said as he walked over to the restaurant for which he had the coupon.


    "Can I start you off with a drink or do you know what you're gonna order?" a friendly waitress asked as Luther seated himself in the casual restaurant.

    "I'll just have a water. And can I get the Spoinks in a blanket?"

    The waitress smiled. "Sure thing? That's off the childrens menu?"

    Luther nodded.

    "Ok. Sit tight and I'll be right back with your water." She spotted the coupon which was unfolded and on lying on the table. "Ah, I see you got a coupon. Will you be using it today?"

    Luther nodded again.

    "Alrighty then." She scribbled something down on her notepad, before drawing a large red check on the coupon.

    The meal arrived after about a five minute wait, which was good compared to previous restaurants Luther had been to. The Spoinks in a blanket were ok, nothing he would recommend but they weren't horrible. They tasted a lot like the rolls his mother used to make, given the fact that they were mostly bread with only a modicum of actual meat.

    When the bill came it was only a couple bucks and he still had a some money left over, enough for a couple more meals anyways. "Thanks very much and have a great night." The waitress finally said, placing a receipt down on the table.

    "Thanks you too." He tried to say but the waitress walked off. Luther sighed. "Better get to this camp out thing." He said to himself as he left, grabbing a handful of mints and tooth picks on his way out.
     
  19. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Spoinks in a blanket...

    XD

    Poor Spoinks. I'll never think of Pigs in Blankets the same way again XD

    Good chapter, the camp should be interesting ^^
     
  20. I'm gonna have to giggle at the Spoinks in a blanket too--but only because it sounds funny. As always the story is interesting and I can't wait till the next chapter.
     
  21. Good read. You should try writing some realistic fiction or non-Pok
     
  22. wow this is good I can't waight for more
     
  23. Sorry for the long wait, I was procrastinating posting in here. Anyways, thanks for all the feedback and as far as writing some realistic of non-pokemon fantasy, I've tried something like that on here. It didn't go so well.

    PS: If anyone could tell me how to change the title, that'd be good. My previous attempt seems to have failed.


    Luther walked slow, for reasons he himself didn't even know. He was worried, but he had no reason to be. Things were working out, sort of. He had caught a pokemon, found himself a meal and he was on his way to find someone who could take him home. It was all going to be all right. But he still didn't feel ok. His stomach growled, not out of hunger but rather just to let him know that he was digesting. He saw a sign nailed to a tree, the one the trainer from earlier had told him to go to.

    Luther approached the sign so he could read it. 'Trainers! The campout is this way!' The sign read in not so bright colors. Luther obeyed the sign and headed in the direction a large arrow drawn on the sign was pointing. It was then that it dawned on him this would be the perfect time to meet his new pokemon. Luther reached into his pocket and pulled out a small red and white sphere. He smiled and pressed the center button. The ball expanded until it was larger than his hand. He decided he wanted to make this look good, even though no one was watching, and he readied himself to release his pokemon.

    Luther closed his eyes and took a breath. He opened them quickly, put on a stern look and shouted, "Go, Dunsparce!" before hurling the ball forward. The ball soared through the air, spinning a few times. He had expected it to open before hitting the ground but it didn't. The pokeball hit the ground with a thud and seemed to be vibrating slightly. Luther stepped away, afraid maybe it was going to explode. "What...?" He asked himself, confused. With a loud grinding like sound the ball cracked open and spilled a surprisingly large amount of luminescence onto the forest floor. The light was bright, enough so that Luther had to cover his eyes with his hands. He looked through the crack in one of his fingers to see what was going on. Luther gasped.

    The light was taking the form of not one, but twenty Dunsparce. Somehow, he had caught the whole herd. The light died down a bit and only a few sparkles remained. Luther stood, gaping at the odd sight before him. The Dunsparce noticed Luther and began chanting their names before lining up single file behind him. "How..." Luther began to ask, still smiling. "Aw whatever." He decided not to question it. He wasn't against the idea of carrying a whole herd of Dunsparce with him, they seemed to work better together anyways. It was just odd. Luther came across another sign telling him where to go. The Dunsparce, his Dunsparce, followed.

    The rest of the walk went pretty much the same. Luther would find a sign and the Dunsparce would follow him. They were ready to obey whatever command Luther gave them. It was nice, Luther thought, but he also knew what a huge responsibility this was. Not many trainers started out with twenty pokemon to train. Although, the Dunsparce seemed to act almost as one pokemon. Granted, they were the same species but still. Sounds came from up ahead, Luther recognized them at once as humans.

    He followed the last sign which read, 'If you don't know where to go, you're probably not smart enough to be a trainer.' It was stabbed into the dirt just outside the campsite Luther was about to enter. And then he saw it. He had never expected this many people to be there. There was about thirty people in all, he had expected only a couple, maybe a dozen at the most. And then there was the pokemon. More than he could count, each one doing their own task. He didn't recognize half of them.

    One by one people began to notice Luther and his twenty pokemon. They nudged each other and whispered. Some laughed. One trainer pushed by a few people and walked over to Luther. "Hey." He said, eyeing Luther's pokemon. "So you showed up after all."

    Luther laughed awkwardly. "Uh, yeah." He knew eventually someone was going to ask about his Dunsparce.

    "I'm Miguel, by the way." He sort of laughed slightly in a c'mon just tell me kind of way. "Um... Why do you have so many Dunsparce?"

    Luther sighed. "I'm not really sure.." He didn't feel like explaining the whole story.

    "Hah, ok. Well, anyways, come help us set up. It'll be a good chance for to meet some of the other trainers. You brought a tent, right?"

    Luther shook his head, worried. He hadn't thought much about what to bring when he was packing.

    "Aw whatever. I'm sure someone will have a spare." Miguel looked once more to the Dunsparce, laughed again and rushed off beckoning Luther with his hand as he did so.
     
  24. Do you mean change the title itself or changing the title so that it shows on the main General Fiction forum? If it's the latter, you'll need to edit the title in your first post.
     
  25. Magpie

    Magpie Feathered Overseer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Heh heh, Dunsparce army! It will be interesting to see how Luther battles...

    Nice chapter ^^ You get better at writing every time you post!
     
  26. Luther didn't do much to help. He tried, of course, or at least looked like he was. When something needed to be done, though, usually a more skilled person than him would get to it. For the most part, him and his Dunsparce looked on in awe at the other Pokémon. And, naturally, the Pokémon looked to them as well. Luther was both worried and excited about the same thing that kept running through his mind. A battle. Miguel had said that it wouldn't be uncommon for him to get challenged to a battle. Part of him wanted to battle, but the other part was afraid of the outcome. As he pondered this, he heard a female voice from behind him.

    "Hey," He felt a tap on his shoulder. Luther turned around to see who was trying to get his attention. He nearly lost his breath. A beautiful brown haired girl, who looked to be around his age, was smiling a straight-teethed smile at him. She was wearing a yellow short sleeved collared shirt that reached down a bit below her hips. Her pants were normal, blue jeans and she was barefoot. "Are all of those Dunsparce yours?"

    Luther couldn't believe someone like her was talking to him. "Y-" He started, his voice raspy. He cleared his throught. "Yeah." She giggled.

    "Why do you have..." She paused to count them. "twenty Dunsparce?"

    Luther laughed slightly as well, his sounding more awkward and forced than hers. "I like Dunsparce." He answered, blushing.

    The girl dropped down to her knees and started to pet one of Luther's Dunsparce. "I'm Jolie." She said casually, standing and brushing some dirt off of her legs.

    Luther didn't want her to leave so he decided to make small talk. "So, uh, you looking for someone to travel with, too?"

    Jolie smiled her perfect smile once more, placed her hands on her hips and looked out towards a lake they were near. "Yeah, I guess. No luck so far, though."

    "Me neither." Luther said quickly. Jolie gave him a confused look. "I haven't had any luck finding anyone either." He clarified. "An I'm Luther." He added, sounding more awkward with each second. He could feel his face getting redder.

    "Nice to meet you. You might wanna set up your tent now, by the way. More trainers are getting here in about an hour and all the good spots are gonna fill up fast."

    "I don't have a tent."

    Jolie squinted from the sun and looked to Luther. "You can use mine if you want. I'm gonna sleep on the grass, it's so nice out here."

    Luther smiled wider than he probably should have. This would mean he could talk to her again! "That'd be awesome." He said, looking down for a bit as he noticed his Dunsparce were circling around him, single file.

    "Well, my tent's right over there." Jolie pointed to a fair sized tent a few feet away. "I'll see ya later." She said as she started to walk away, waving goodbye.

    "Bye." Luther said, waving as well. He couldn't be sure, it was probably from the bright sunlight, but as Jolie walked away Luther thought he saw her wink.
     
    #26 Picnicker Virgil, May 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  27. Luther stood there for a while longer, trying to decide whether Jolie had really winked. He had watched her walk off but she was now in a crowd and wasn't visible. He sat down on a rock. It was a nice place to camp, he thought. There was a large lake and some pretty looking trees in the woods nearby. Bird Pokémon flew by every now and then, occasionally resting in some of the many trees. "Hey, kid with the Dunsparce," Someone said as they approached Luther. It was an older male trainer.

    "Yeah?" He wondered if all trainers were greeted by strangers as frequently as he was finding himself being.

    "I think one of your Dunsparce just went in the woods. You might wanna go get it back." He walked away after saying this. Luther didn't get a chance to say thanks. He counted his Dunsparce quickly, to make sure the kid was telling the truth. 19. He stood. The Dunsparce lined up single file behind him and followed as he walked towards an entrance to the woods.

    "Dunsparce?" Luther called out as he pushed back some branches and looked around for one of his twenty Pokémon. "Dunsparce?" He repeated, louder. He was getting worried now. Although he didn't know each Dunsparce individually very well, he was still scared. It was his Pokémon, after all.

    Luther stopped walked and counted his Pokémon, maybe Dunsparce had come back and joined up with the group. Still only 19. He groaned. "C'mon," he said to his Dunsparce, beckoning them with his hand as he walked further. The Dunsparce didn't seem to mind at all that one of their own kind was missing. It scared him slightly.

    "Gah!" Luther cried suddenly. He felt himself lose balance and his ankle hurt once again. He had stepped in a small hole. As he tried to pry his foot out, it was stuck, he realized something. Dunsparce dug holes, like the ones that ruined Mike's house. Luther called one of his Dunsparce over. It smiled and glided calmly towards its trainer. "Use dig right there." He said, pointing to a spot next to himself. "Sparce." Dunsparce claimed, its tail spinning as it began to dig a hole.

    It didn't take long for the hole to be dug, only a few seconds. Luther was pleased to see that his Dunsparce could create holes so fast. He was also pleased to see that the hole his Dunsparce had just made was identical to the one his foot was stuck in. "Awesome, thanks." He said, patting his Pokémon atop its head. "That means our missing Dunsparce must be nearby.

    "Start calling for it." He suggested to his other Dunsparce, hoping they could possibly draw it out from wherever it was. The Dunsparce obeyed. Cries of ninteen Dunsparce started to fill the air, each reciting a portion of their name proudly. Luther figured the other trainers back at the camp could hear his Pokémon and he hoped he wasn't disturbing anyone. And then he saw it. In the distance a worried looking yellow Pokémon was gliding towards him.

    "Dunsparce!" Luther cried joyfully. He was happy to be reunited with his Pokémon, despite not knowing it well at all. Dunsparce seemed happy, too, but it still had the worried look on its face. "Is something wrong?" Luther asked his Dunsaprce. It didn't respond, but instead looked behind itself. Luther gasped. A green pixie-like Pokémon with short wings was hovering in the distance, looking nervous. It was holding something. Luther recognized it immediately. It was a Celebi, he had seen it in a movie once. Apparently, it was guardian of some forest, or maybe every forest. He didn't remember. What he did remember was that it was supposedly a legendary pokemon, one of a kind. And he was seeing one now.

    His first instinct was to call someone over so people would actually believe he had seen it. But he didn't. The Pokémon looked nervous enough revealing itself to him, if he tried to call anyone else over it would probably flee forever. So he did nothing. Celebi did nothing as well. Moments passed and the two just looked at each other. And then, slowly, the legendary Pokémon began to approach him. Luther started to lose his breath. He wasn't sure whether to be scared or happy. Would it hurt him? He scanned his memory, trying to remember whatever he could about the movie he had seen. He couldn't remember much. Celebi was about ten feet away now.

    Luther wasn't breathing. His Dunsparce were as silent as he was. Celebi got closer. It was in front of him now, albeit a few feet higher in the air. He felt weak as he sat on the ground, foot in a hole, looking up at what could be the most powerful Pokémon he would ever see in his life. He caught his breath. He thought about speaking but the look in Celebi's large eyes prevented him from doing so. Slowly, the Pokemon lowered itself down so it was level with his face. It revealed to him what it was holding. It was a berry, unlike any Luther had ever seen in his life.

    It was a bright red color with golden freckles spread equally on the skin. It had golden leaves as well. It was large and juicy looking. It looked and smelled delicious. Luther stared at it. Celebi moved closer. It landed on the ground with a quiet thud. The pokemon looked down at what it was holding, walked forward a step, and looked back up at Luther. It held out its hands, offering the berry to him. "For me?" Celebi said nothing, it remained in the position it was in, arms outstretched.

    Luther reached out and took the berry. Despite looking tender, it was actually quite firm. He could probably drop it a few times and not bruise it. He wasn't sure what to do next. Should he eat it? No, he thought. Why would Celebi come up to him just to give him a berry to eat? He had to do something with the berry but he wasn't sure what. Celebi rose into the air once more. "Wait!" He pleaded as it turned around, ready to fly away. Celebi blinked once. Luther felt himself rise up and out of the hole. The Pokemon smiled. And then it flew away. "That wasn't what I meant..." Luther sighed, despite being happy to be out of the hole.

    He looked to his Dunsparce. All twenty looked back but none said anything. Luther stowed the berry in his pocket after examening it for a while. "What am I supposed to do?" He asked his Pokemon. Still, they said nothing. Luther laughed quietly. "You guys are weird." He expected his Dunsparce to do nothing. But one by one each of the Pokemon smiled, opening their mouths to reveal that they had no teeth. Luther laughed again at the odd appearance of twenty Dunsparce smiling toothless smiles at him. "Come on," He said, "Let's go back to camp."
     
    #27 Picnicker Virgil, Jun 3, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  28. I'm amused by the 19 Dunsparce following behind Luther single file. That conjures up a happy image in my mind! Anyway keep it up! I wanna know what the berry and Celebi's appearance meant. ^^
     
  29. LOL. I'd be really funny if at one point Luther is like: "Hup, one two three four, hup!"
     
  30. Well, it seems like everyone but me has updated their Fan Fics recently so since I guess I forgot to log off last night it seemed like it'd be a good time to do so.



    "Woah," Luther said as he struggled over a bush to get out of the woods and into the campsite, which he could already see. The number of trainers had almost doubled since before he left. Luther allowed the bush to snap back to its original form as he removed his foot from on top of the bush. He wasn't sure how his Dunsparce would work their way around the bush but just as the thought came to mind he felt the ground rumble slightly.

    A small hole started to appear. Luther stepped back a few feet. The ground broke apart and a hole was created. One by one, Luther's twenty Dunsparce exited the hole and lined up behind him. Luther was kind of glad none of the trainers were watching. Once the last Dunsparce was out, he had been counting them as they appeared, Luther decided to return his Pokémon. They could easily get lost in the large crowd that had formed, or one could run away again.

    Luther produced the Dunsparces' Pokéball from his pocket, expanded it, and aimed it at his Pokémon. The Dunsparce's line broke up and they instead grouped together. "Return." Luther said quietly. A sharp red beam shot from the red and white sphere and hit the center of the group. The red light slowly engulfed one Dunsparce and from there traveled to the rest until all twenty of the Pokemon had become nothing more than oddly shaped luminescence. The light shrank and headed back into the pokeball through the center button. Luther giggled as he felt the Pokeball vibrate.

    "Ah, so they're all in one ball." A voice said from behind Luther. He quickly spun around. The same girl from before, Jolie, stood with her hands in her pockets. Luther decreased the size of his Pokeball and held it in his hand.

    "Hah, yeah. I didn't think it was possible either."

    Jolie shot him a somewhat offended look. "I knew it was possible. The same thing happened to me with Ebony and Ivory, but I transfered them to different Pokeballs."

    Luther raised a brow. "Ebony and Ivory? Are those types of Pokemon?"

    Jolie smirked. "Nope. They're the nicknames for my Phanpy. Wanna see them?" She didn't wait for an answer and instead grabbed two Pokeballs from her belt. Both balls were increased before being tossed casually in front of the young trainer. Both balls cracked open and bright white light lit up the darkening earth as it sailed down to the ground.

    Two elephant-like pokemon shook of the remains of the white light that was clinging to them. Luther gasped. He had no idea why, but both Phanpy were odd colors. One was mostly white with some black and the other was mostly black with some white. "Are those..." Luther asked, remembering watching a program about 'shiny' Pokemon on TV.

    "Shiny?" Jolie said, finishing his question. "No, they're not. I dyed them." She produced two bottles of dye from a bag attached to her pokebelt. "The black one's Ebony and the white one's Ivory."

    Luther nodded. "Oh." He felt stupid. "It's getting dark." He commented, wanting to change the subject. Jolie was kneeling down and petting Ebony, who was feeling playful.

    "Yeah. Want me to show you where my tent is or do you think you can find it yourself?"

    Luther smiled. He liked the idea of spending more time with Jolie. "Uh, do you think you can show me?"

    Jolie stood, Ebony in her arms. "Sure. Follow me." She began to walk, Ivory was looping in and out of her legs making her walking rather difficult. "Think you can get Ivy for me?"

    Luther immediately jumped to the task, but it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be. Ivory kept avoiding his arms and appeared scared.

    "Nevermind, take Ebony." Jolie said, handing Luther the black Phanpy who seemed a bit dissapointed. "Come here sweety," Jolie said, picking up Ivory who had started to cry slightly. "Don't worry, it's ok. Yes it is..." She stroked the Phanpy to calm it down.

    Ebony began to struggle. It had its eyes on Jolie and didn't like the idea of being with Luther. "I can't carry you both." Jolie said, pouting her lower lip sympathetically. "Here, walk close, Luther. That way I can still pet Ebony."

    Luther blushed and walked closer to Jolie. She craned her neck and kissed Ebony on the head. The Phanpy smiled. "All better."

    "Who's the lucky man?" A trainer joked as Jolie and Luther walked towards the location of the tent Luthe would be using.

    "Oh stop..." Jolie said, shooting the trainer a smile as he laughed and turned around to get something from his bag. "Don't mind him, he's just joking."

    "Hah, ok." Luther said, although he still blushed.

    "Is this it..." Jolie muttered to herself, examing a tent. "Yep." She said, louder. "Here's my tent."

    "Oh, thanks." Luther said, unslinging his bag from his shoulder and allowing it to fall with a thud on the ground next to the tent. Ebony jumped from Luther's arms as he did so.

    "No problem. Like I said, I'm not using it." She bent down, placed Ivory on the ground and stroked Ebony. "Well, see ya tommorrow." She stood and started to walk away, Ebony and Ivory hopping alongside her.

    "Wait!" Luther said suddenly. He didn't want her to go just yet. Jolie turned around.

    "Yeah?"

    Luther didn't know what to say. "Want... to battle?" It was all he could think of that could get her to stay.

    Jolie turned around fully. She raised a brow and smiled. "You sure?"

    Luther could feel himself sweating. "Uh, yeah of course." She couldn't have too much experience on him, she at least looked his age. And Ebony and Ivory didn't look like the strongest Pokemon. Maybe he'd win.

    "All right. Let's do it right now."

    Luther was nervous. He regretted what he had just done but there was no undoing it. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and took out his Dunsparces' pokeball.

    "BATTLE!" Jolie shouted suddenly. Luther jumped. Trainers began to murmer and they all looked to Luther and Jolie. A crowd began to form near the two twelve year olds.

    "Uh..." Luther said, even more nervous now. There wasn't much he could do. He sighed and tossed his only pokeball.
     
    #30 Picnicker Virgil, Jun 18, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2014
  31. I'm sorry, but the reaction I got from the emergence of Ebony and Ivory was 'awwwwww'. I love the Phanpy line! And it's so cool that they are dyed!

    I can't wait to see what happens in the battle. Keep up the good work!
     

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